Working 9 to 5. Or 23:00 to 02:00

Currently listening to: the hiss of about 200 fans

People. I am at work right now. This has nothing to do with being in a band other than I wish I were playing music right now.

We had practice tonight. We worked on a new awesome cover that we're going to bust out at our tour kick-off show on April 5th at Ye Ole Mars Bar. Then we talked about the tour, whom we'll get into a knife fight with, how David will sleep with his guitar and how Ben will NOT drive across medians to ensure we take the correct freeway exit.

All of this is to say (or ask) how many people end up doing what they really want to do with their lives? Not just career-wise. I've known people who felt their sole purpose was to raise a family. Other people want the job that will get them very financially ahead. There are about a dozen things I've thought I could do with my life (computer programming, medicine, federal law enforcement, a mother, etc) but only one thing that has always been at the core of who I am. I've always been the guitar-playing, red-headed weirdo.

But I'm sure the guy at the Shell station doesn't want to sell beer and gas his whole life, but it gets him by. My job is by no means bad, and I do get a lot of intellectual stimulation out of it, but it's not who I am. When I was growing up, I remember my parents identifying their friends by what they did for a living. Does that still happen? It seems like so many of the people I'm surrounded by don't identify themselves by their career. Maybe it's because I hang out with a lot of artists.

I have to remind myself that I am a musician at heart because I know there are people who just want status or money. It's nice to step back from all the work of the business side, booking and promoting, to make sure I'm doing this for the right reasons....and remember why I essentially have the H Is for Hellgate business as a second job that eats up the vast majority of my free time. I've been playing songs to almost nobody for years and if I had to choose between that or a house in the suburbs with babies, a secure job and a static relationship, I'd gladly choose the empty bar on a Monday night with the band. I want to make a living at playing music that I've written. If I can't, I hope to at least be creative throughout my life. Music is the means through which I interact with the world on a daily basis. Being creative with it is how I cope with the junk. And, occasionally, I have the ego to think that other people could get something out of the stuff I write. Just like social workers have a desire to get people through their crap and sales people want to land those deals that will make them rich, I want to create something with which I, and others, can deal with life on a small or large scale.

This is starting to sound like I'm on Oprah or something. It's late. I'm still at work. I'm cold. And I have about 327 ideas for new songs and I'll never have the time to get them all down.